


To Hope's End and Heart's Breaking

by morwen_of_gondor



Series: The General and the Grand Admiral [4]
Category: Star Wars Legends: Thrawn Trilogy - Timothy Zahn, Star Wars Original Trilogy, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Angst and Tragedy, Crack Treated Seriously, Dark Crack, Dreamsharing, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Maybe - Freeform, Minor Character Death, Oath of Fëanor, Parallels, Poor Maedhros, Prophetic Dreams, Visions, if you want that read Out of Fire, if you want to look at it like that - Freeform, not in this fic anyway
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-07
Updated: 2020-08-07
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:15:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25767295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/morwen_of_gondor/pseuds/morwen_of_gondor
Summary: After his return to Middle-Earth, Maedhros dreams and looks for an escape from the Oath.
Relationships: Maedhros | Maitimo & Anakin Skywalker | Darth Vader, Maedhros | Maitimo & Sons of Fëanor, Maedhros | Maitimo & Thrawn | Mitth'raw'nuruodo
Series: The General and the Grand Admiral [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1748641
Comments: 4
Kudos: 36





	To Hope's End and Heart's Breaking

**Author's Note:**

> OK, fair warning, this is not what I usually write. My brain handed me a really angsty one-shot this morning. It's pretty dark, and if you read it as a standalone, there's really not much hope at the end. 
> 
> This story picks up after Maedhros’ return to Silm canon - so after _Introductions_ and any other stories that may be posted about Maedhros and Thrawn's first set of adventures in Star Wars, but before _Out of Fire, Hope_. I know that the original was all fun and games, but this is Maedhros so the angst train was going to come in sooner or later. I strongly recommend reading this as a prequel to _Out of Fire._

Maedhros knew that he was going to come back to his own world sooner or later, knew it with all the cruel certainty of the Oath. He told Thrawn so. Only at the end had Thrawn really believed him, he thinks. His friend was—is? a creature of reason above all else, even after their experiences together. Still, he nearly weeps when it finally happens, because he had almost forgotten the Oath for a while, and now it is back as though it had never been away.

Lúthien triumphs over Morgoth and weds her mortal. They keep a Silmaril. Maedhros thinks of Thrawn saying that there is always another option, and decides that the Oath will be fulfilled if he waits until they die and then takes the Silmaril. Let them have their peace.

He waits. The Silmaril is in Doriath before he gets news of Lúthien’s death. 

He sends to Doriath and asks them for the Silmaril, citing the right of inheritance, the theft of Morgoth, and the burden of the Oath. He imagines Thrawn standing over his shoulder as he writes the letter, keen red eyes watching his left-handed calligraphy. He softens the phrasing as much as the Oath will let him. _The velvet glove over the iron fist,_ Thrawn says approvingly in his mind, and Maedhros almost dares to hope.

The answer comes back. Thingol will not give up the Silmaril which Beren and Lúthien won by their blood. Maedhros, in the privacy of his study, snarls that Thingol valued Beren’s blood little enough when he sent him out on a suicide quest. He practically hears Thrawn’s exasperated sigh from the corner. _There is always another option,_ he thinks. Perhaps patience will prove his good intentions. 

He ignores the voice that tells him that his intentions are not good. It sounds like Celegorm at his nastiest, and the best thing to do with Celegorm in a temper is to ignore him.

The real Celegorm shows up a month later and demands that they attack Doriath. "There is always another option," Maedhros says. "Let us have patience."

"What other option do you think we have?" Celegorm snaps. "The Oath bids us take the Silmaril from all who keep it from us! Shall we break Father’s last command?"

Maedhros opens his mouth to answer and finds no words. Thrawn, in his mind, is silent. He thinks that his real friend would have an answer, would wipe away this terrible dichotomy with a wave of his hand and an ingenious plan.

Thrawn is not there.

Maedhros snaps something harsh and biting back at Celegorm, who looks abashed — it is rare indeed for Maedhros to lose his temper — and locks himself in his study to _think_.

He looks at the problem from every angle he can think of and some he didn’t know he could think of. He tries to think about it from Thrawn’s point of view, and even from Captain Pellaeon’s. He comes up with two options every time, and only two.

Attack Doriath, or break the Oath.

He cannot break the Oath.

That night he dreams that his sword is glowing red in his _right_ hand as he cuts his way through orc after orc — only they aren’t orcs. He does not look at the faces, but he sees them anyway. The sound of his own harsh breathing wakes him. 

He sends Celegorm and the twins to go hunt the giant spiders that have been coming closer and closer to Amon Ereb lately, in the hopes that that will keep him occupied, and it does. For a while.

The night Celegorm returns, rejoicing in his successful hunt and asking when they will act on the Oath, Maedhros dreams again. When he wakes, he dives for the mirror that he usually keeps hidden behind a curtain. He is almost surprised to see his own face instead of a black death-mask.

He agrees to attack Doriath. He does not imagine what Thrawn would say of this. He dreams of lava and fire and _pain,_ and the shining brilliance that burns (severs) his hand flickers back and forth between a Silmaril and a blade of blue light.

He tries very hard not to look at his sword to see if it is glowing red as he cuts down Elf after Elf in the caves of Doriath. He tries very hard not to see that their faces look like something he has seen in a dream.

He does not find the Silmaril. He does find Celegorm’s body, right beside the body of Dior Eluchil, king of Doriath. He does not find Dior’s sons. 

Celegorm’s men say that they sent the boys into the woods, as revenge, he supposes, for their lord’s death. _Is that what you have become?_ he hears Thrawn ask scornfully. _A slayer of children?_

He looks for the children, after. He does not find them.

When he gets back to Amon Ereb he dreams of a blue blade and the screams of children.

When he wakes and fumbles for the mirror again, he could swear that his eyes blink poisonous gold for an instant before they go back to grey.

He smashes the mirror.

Nobody replaces it. 

The dreams do not stop.

**Author's Note:**

> Holy cow, Batman, it's another one-shot! I'm honestly rather shocked.
> 
> I'm sorry about all the angst, though. Maedhros decided to take over my brain and be sad this morning, and this was what came out. Just remember that this takes place before _Out of Fire,_ so the better ending is coming. ;-)
> 
> This happened because I was thinking about the parallels between Maedhros and Anakin, so please let me know if you have any thoughts on those, because they're honestly starting to fascinate me.


End file.
